It's a mental thing

     The last two weeks I have been trying to focus on my workouts and being in the moment when I am at the gym. As Brandon advised me, I put my earbuds in and focus and get it done. It has been almost a month since Brandon moved out to Arizona to pursue the next adventure in his career and it has taken some getting used to on my part. Having spent six days a week with him in November and December, I got used to his constant coaching, mentoring and motivational mantras. Working out on my own is a whole different ball game. On one hand, I don't have the distraction of conversation and I can get my workout done more quickly. But on the other hand, I liked the conversations we would have and working out on my own means being able to recognize when small adjustments need to be made to the workout because I am improving. Brandon continues to guide me in my workouts and nutrition remotely but its not the same thing as him being there in the moment. It is for this reason that I recently realized I need to get into my head and focus on my goals before I actually walk through the gym doors. 

Equipped with the new lifting belt my husband got me,
I thought I was ready for heavy squats and a new
PR but my head wasn't in it.

     I am a gym rat. I know that about myself now. I LOVE going to the gym. I LOVE working out. And I have goals beyond the goals I've already set. Recently, I found myself contemplating the idea of competing in powerlifting some day in the future. Crazy? I think not. And Brandon agrees. I will never be satisfied and will always strive for new personal goals; right now the first of which is to get my weight down another 20-30 pounds to the weight I was most comfortable with in my past while building muscle and getting in kickass shape. But my goals don't stop there. I want to be strong. And I want to prove to myself how strong I am with my lifting. I've never felt so passionate about anything for myself like this before. But in order to reach my goals it's about more than just physical strength. It's about mental strength. 

     I discovered just how mental it is on December 30. Almost two weeks ago I attempted a heavy lifting leg day and disappointed myself when I didn't achieve a new PR (personal record) for a max rep. My previous max was 135 for 2 sets of 8 reps; a milestone achievement for me. (See Squat ass to grass or don't squat at all). So on December 30 my goal was to go up to 145 for 8 reps. But this was my first heavy squat day since December 4, almost a month before. AND it was my first heavy squat day since Brandon moved to Arizona. I went to the gym thinking I was in the right mindset and ready for the workout. When in reality I wasn't. 

     According to Brandon, “You gotta be mentally right for top sets, it’s not something you can just walk into the gym and do! You have to know you’re going to the gym, you have to visualize the set in your head days before, you have to have a specific number and rep range in mind and get it no-matter what!” And on that day I pretty much just walked into the gym thinking I would do it. I woke up that day unsure whether or not I would have time to make it to the gym in the first place because we had family coming over to celebrate a late Christmas. When I realized I had time to go it was rushed and last minute. I hadn't visualized anything when it came to my squats that day. I walked into the gym ready with the lifting belt my husband gave me for Christmas. But that wasn't enough for a successful heavy squat workout. Standing in front of the squat rack looking at myself in the mirror and visualizing the squat minutes before I attempted it was not enough. I didn't realize that at the time but my mind just was not in it.

     I worked up to my previous max weight of 135 lbs (2-45lb plates) by starting with 95 lbs (2-25lb plates) and adding weight until I got to 135 lbs. When I reached 135 (with a spotter at my back) I did what Brandon always called 'the one before the ONE.' One squat at 135. Tight. Clean. Smooth down and then up. But on that day I decided I would do the ONE x 3. And although it had been almost a month those three reps went pretty easy. So you would think that ten pounds more would be no problem. And if my head had been in it, if I had visualized the set days prior and gotten mentally prepared for it, it would have been no problem. My first attempt to do 145 x 8 reps was an epic fail. I got to 3, struggling on the way up on the last rep. When it was over, disappointed with myself, I texted Brandon to tell him that I had failed at getting a new PR.  I decided to wait and try again, thinking the reason was I hadn't had enough of a rest period between sets. I tried again. This time I made it to 5 reps but struggled with the last rep again. When I checked my phone again Brandon had advised me to go down in weight but by that time I had already finished on the rack and moved on. I had disappointed myself to the point that I needed to step away from the barbell. The second exercise on the workout for that day was front squats (a squat with the barbell set across the front of your shoulders) and I didn't even attempt them. When I reported back to Brandon what I had completed for that day's workout he asked me "what does 'not touching this one' mean?" 

     And what it meant was that I had, as I often do, overthought what I had to do. My head wasn't in it. It was a bad squat day. I needed a pep talk. Getting mentally into the exercise requires more than just showing up. After that day's workout I started to think more about what I was going to do at the gym each day, set daily goals and achieve baby steps that add up to bigger goals. Some days the goal may be just to get to the gym. Other days it may be visualizing a set I want to achieve. But in the end mind over matter is what it boils down to. If my head isn't in it, chances are my body won't be either.