Happiness should be a class taught in high school...or at the gym

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  If I haven't mentioned before, I am a teacher in a Pennsylvania high school. Today a female student of mine came to class crying. When I walked into the classroom she was sitting at her desk, face all red and streaming with tears, surrounded by her friends. As I approached her I looked at her and jokingly said (while pounding my fist in my hand), "If this is about a boy, tell me who he is and I'll take care of him. I work out." My comment drew a brief smile and she went back to crying. Her friends were telling her to 'block him' and 'put your phone on do not disturb.' It broke my heart to know that someone was making her feel this way. I sat down in all seriousness and told her she deserves to be happy and anyone who makes her feel like this does not deserve her. She is a beautiful person and I hated seeing her this way. In the 43 minutes she was in my classroom I made it my mission to make her smile and maybe even laugh. We ditched the days lesson because I felt this was more important. I teach my students to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. What better 'cause' then your own happiness. She reminded me of myself a decade ago when I allowed my life circumstances and the person I was with to dictate my happiness. In the end, I was a defeated person, ripped of my self esteem, self worth and my happiness. After 20 years in the same relationship, I was a completely different person than the person I am today. I realized, as some would say too late, that I absolutely have control of my own happiness and that it was up to me to make the changes to be happy. And it was then that I realized I wasn't being selfish for wanting to be happy. I shared some of my life experience with my students and turned to the female student who was crying and told her, "Please don't wait 20 years to learn this. Learn from my mistakes."

    After class was over (and yes, I made the student laugh before the end of the period) I started to think about how training has changed my way of looking at happiness and how to attain it. Happiness, although it can be impacted by the world around us and the people we interact with, is something that is NOT out of our control. I realize that now. Back then if someone had said that to me I would have given them a list of reasons why I had no control over my happiness. I felt trapped, unloved, beaten down and like no one cared. When in reality all I had to do was say enough was enough and make the decision to leave. The day I left was not a pretty one and one that I am glad is far in the past. I always say that day was the best decision I ever made (until I decided to sign up for a trainer) but finding my happiness did not happen overnight. It took me a long time to realize I deserved to be happy. It took even longer for me to figure out what I had to do to make my own happiness. And what it boils down to is, that happiness is in our minds. Like trying to get my mind right before doing a heavy squat or deadlift. Happiness needs to be visualized. If you can't see yourself happy or if you can come up with all kinds of reasons why the circumstance you're in, the people in your life or any other outside force is why you are unhappy then you will always be unhappy. I don't know if its this realization or just life experience but I refuse to let any negative outside force interfere with my vision of a happy life.

    I recently started listening to the audiobook, Own the Day, Own Your Life by Aubrey Marcus. (and no this is not a plug for the book). In the book he talks about small changes you can make to change your day so it doesn't 'own you.' Ultimately, making these small changes can lead to a happier life. I wish I had had advice like this when I was younger. Aubrey Marcus has a unique view on unhappiness. He says that "our happiness is determined by our inner state of mind, general vitality, and presence of being" and that we should not blame external causes for our unhappiness. And it’s true. Although, there are situations where we will ultimately get upset or feel defeated, it is how we survive and get through those situations that will determine our happiness. In other words, how we take control of the situation. Twenty years ago, I didn't take control of the situation and I sacrificed my happiness as a result.

    I found myself showing my students my super proud moment, the video of me squatting 135. (See Squat ass to grass or not at all) I told them how training at the gym has changed my outlook on life in a positive way. And after they finished commenting about how hot my trainer is, I told them all that happiness is a choice. At the end of the period I told the female student that I know it is easier said than done but that she is too young to be in an relationship that makes her unhappy. And the day she has the courage to say enough is enough will be a step towards happiness. I also may have mentioned going to the gym can help too.

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