Failure can destroy you OR make you want it more

It is amazing how much a little set back can motivate you. In the moment of failure the disappointment can be overwhelming. But when it's all said and done, it is your mindset that determines what you do with it. You can let it destroy and defeat you or you can learn from it and use it to drive you to success. Before my trainer, Brandon, moved to Arizona I had decided I was going to squat 135 lbs for 8 reps. That accomplishment was huge for me because it meant I would be squatting a bar with two 45 lb plates on it. I was excited when I reached that goal in early December just a couple weeks before Brandon moved. (See Squat ass to grass or not at all) I felt great! So accomplished. So pumped. So ready to keep going to reach another personal record goal. 

But as fate would have it I lost my confidence after Brandon moved and I found myself doing volume squats at lower weights and avoiding the max rep I had accomplished in early December. Although I didn't realize it at the time, my confidence in my ability to do it on my own was not a strong as I had thought. See it took some time for me to get used to him not being there to motivate me and be my number one supporter.  I discovered this when at the end of December I attempted to set a new personal record at 145 lbs and failed. (see It's a mental thing) I attempted to increase my max rep but hadn't prepared myself mentally for that day. There were a few factors that caused me to fail. In addition to not being mentally ready, I was trying out a new lifting belt that my husband gave me for Christmas and it was my first heavy squat day since Brandon left and him not being physically there had an impact. In my head I had convinced myself that I needed Brandon there to do my max weight. When I attempted to squat 145 expecting to be able to and couldn't get passed 3 reps on the first set I was more than a little disappointed. I was mad at myself. Mad because I hadn't failed at any of the goals I had set for myself at the gym until that day. I messaged Brandon and told him I had failed. And although he tried to talk me down from my own self doubt and disappointment, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened. After that failure was in my head and it was hard for me to get passed it. It was all I thought about. 

Brandon gave me a pep talk and told me to not dwell on it and move on, that we all have bad days in the gym. So I took a step back and looked at the reasons I failed and made it my mission to get myself back into the mindset I needed to be in to accomplish a max weight squat. Like it or not, Brandon was gone and I needed to get used to it if I wanted to be successful. I needed to take my failure and turn it into motivation. I talked to Brandon and planned out how I would move back down to a weight I was comfortable with and then move up slowly to 135 again. I would begin to visual what I wanted to accomplish each squat day for the week before it happened. I would not let doubt enter my head. I wouldn't get discouraged and I would gradually increase my weight and celebrate success as I went. I did all this for the last six weeks and arrived at today confident that I could do my max rep squat once again.

So today I conquered my Everest. I went into the gym knowing I would do it, knowing I would be successful. I told Brandon when we talked last week that I knew I was ready. When I put the 45 lb plates on the bar I looked at them and thought 'wow, they are so much bigger than I remember.' Then I remembered Brandon saying to not be intimidated by the size of the plate and to have 'no fear, no doubt, bang it out!' The doubt lasted only for a split second. I had squatted 125 last Saturday. There was no reason to think I couldn't squat 135 today. As a precaution and to give my confidence a little boost I asked another trainer to spot my first set. I stepped under the rack and lifted the bar. My first thought was 'wow! This isn't heavy at all! I can do this no problem.' And I proceeded to squat for 8 reps. (which surprised the trainer spotting me since he thought I was going for 1). After that I felt confident to do another set on my own and even go for 10. Which I did. And then I even did another set of 10 to make it 3 sets total. I was so pumped I may have done a fourth set but I decided 3 was enough for today. After that the rest of my leg day workout seemed easy. I was so excited and proud of myself. It took a long time to get back to that moment and I did it.


It sounds a lot easier when said than done but taking a failure and turning it into motivation leads to success. It would be easy to take the failure and let it destroy me and give up. But my positive mindset pushes me to learn from the bad and turn it into good. It takes time, dedication and a plan. The positive mindset I have cultivated since I started training has made it possible for me to see that anything is possible, that failures do happen and that not everyday is a good day. And when I have a bad day at the gym or in life in general I now realize that I need to take a step back, evaluate the reasons why, come up with a plan that is doable, put that plan into action and be patient. In time, success will come and that failure becomes a moment I can be proud of.